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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Losing touch Part II

When I was in the thick of the immigration process with my ex, I wrote about losing touch with my US identity. I was so preparing for my life in Canada, that my life and what was going on here in my home in the US had fallen off the table. I wanted to be ready, to be culturally prepared as I could for the day I began to make my life with her in Toronto.

I wanted to be able to slip in without the media break-in period. So I used the web to keep up on the news on Pulse and CTV; I watched the CBC at 10pm (luckily, being close to Vancouver, it comes on cable); Rick Mercer on Tuesdays, Air Farce and 22 Minutes on Fridays...and of course...Hockey Night on Saturdays (which I know will remain a ritual, no matter what).

I kept up on my pop music at MUCH...I listened for Canadian artists and didn't hesitate to buy a disk I thought I might like. With the help of my ex, I learned that Jarvis Church (2002's "Shake it off" is a MUST) was really Gerald Eaton and discovered the Philospher Kings, Nelly Furtado, Sum 41, Remey Shand, and even Stompin' Tom.

I read books of humour, culture and history...The Star was (is) my homepage here on the web...

Now I find as my near term hopes of immigrating are fading, that I am losing touch with Canada too...I'm not as active in keeping current...maybe it's the Summer and how busy I have been...maybe it's a reflection of some current feeling of defeat and a little loss of hope?

Time will tell...

Monday, August 14, 2006

The doldrums

I am inert. My progress, glacial. My dreams, adrift. I am in fact, no closer now than I was months ago at making new application to immigrate to Canada. I've all but given up on reconciliation with my love, my ex...When we spoke recently about even trying again, her response was, "what? Another year...two? Do you expect I'm just going to wait and see how it turns out?" That pretty much counts "us" out of the process and counts me, and only me, in.

So, I slowly have to save to meet the requirements, and only when that is done, can I prepare to submit again. My Canadian future is mine alone again. I don't know if I'll mention my ex again in this blog.

I know my entries of late have been sporadic - mainly because I am simply trying to survive and keeping current with news and issues on the immigration front has fallen off a bit in urgency since I feel the real action is still a ways off.

As I get back on top of things and the Summer finally ends, I'm sure to get back to my commentary. As I slowly leave this love truely behind, I'm sure I'll also find my courage and optimism again as well.

Thanks for hanging in there with me! Watch for the Fall schedule to be chock-full of notes and news!